Ramblings of the Neurotic Little One

  The past few weeks, perhaps it's even been longer, are somewhat hazy...
I feared to approach the issues weighing on my mind the heaviest with my typical habit of dissecting them, knowing that I would just make a big mess and solve nothing...
Several monthss back,  I think I gave up... Yes, again...
I discovered for the billionth time in my 28 years on this planet that not one fuck is given about my recovery as long as the state of Texas refuses to insure me via medicaid, despite the fact that I am considered Disabled by the same entity. In addition, I was granted an insulting $16 a month to feed myself and told to try again in December 2013 when I become eligible for SSI/Medicare in addition to my current disability benefits... I'm happy to report that this is because Texas told the Affordable Care Act to fuck itself, so it takes longer to be eligible....
But get this madness, if I don't get a "malnutrition" diagnosis this year and every year I actually need these benefits from now on, I'll lose that too...
 So then I filed my taxes (late) and find out that as of January 2014 I would have been mandated to purchase private insurance ANYWAY... So I thought, perhaps it may benefit me to purchase a private insurance plan to get me from now to December... but wait... Disabled? Doesn't that mean expensive? Pre-existing conditions and whatnot? Your sick already? Well, then there's no way we can insure you, we would have to pay for medical expenses like we are supposed to...
 Thinking long and hard about abandoning the whole time-tested attempts at recovery...
Not only do i seem to give zero fucks... this disorder is my identity now, and i dont trust what'll be next...