We are not worthy!

Things have come to an inevitable head... I had several depressing as fuck phone calls over the past few days... weighing my options (or lack thereof):about the possibility of yet another trip to residential... or even PHP... or anything that I am not doing now...
I was surprisingly excited, or perhaps just desperate, to do the humiliating phone assessments that I've done a thousand times before... I half hoped that some one would say "I know just the thing!" And I'd be scooped up, hugged, supported, and welcomed into an environment that could save me from myself...

  Every conversation ended promptly after "What kind of insurance do you have?" Followed by "Unfortunately we won't be able to help you."
I realized how screwed I was... I knew I forgot something... being sick requires money...
   Furthermore, many leave you with the impression that you need to take a few weeks to go get sicker.... then call back... Sorry we need you to almost die again before you're worth saving...
Fucking absurd....
So they can tell you again that they can't help you... wish you the best of luck with your descent into madness...and their job is done...
  At one point in my life, this constant fuckover made me a staunch supporter of healthcare reform... public option... all that shit...
I identify as a libertarian, but the prospect of not living in terror that my perpetual state of illness goes perpetually untreated, I thought "What the hell?"
I think I should've changed my tone.... been more incredulous...
I feel like everyone around me is fed up and poised to withdraw support.... as a topic I've spent so long running into the ground.... I can't see my bullshit being tolerated much longer....
In fact, I'm damn near the point of banning the topic from my conversations and my life entirely... I'm tired of belaboring this useless argument... "It's not that bad." if I am not yet capable or willing to make the changes then I'm not going to waste everyone's time talking about it incessantly...
Except here I guess... I'm about to expand to some other topical blogs to get my mind off this shit, but rest assured, this disorder has gone absolutely nowhere... I'll keep posting...
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